Understanding Spiritual Abuse

by Karen Roudkovski, PhD

Book Review #5

Roudkovski, K. (2024). Understanding spiritual abuse: What it is and how to respond. B&H Academic.

Karen Roudkovski is a dedicated counselor, researcher, educator, and survivor of spiritual abuse. She received her Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision from NOBTS, where she also acquired advanced theological training. She specializes in trauma-informed care and has worked with numerous spiritual abuse survivors. Her expertise uniquely qualifies her to speak to the psychological and spiritual impacts of abusive religious systems.

Purpose and Audience:

According to Dr. Roudkovski, the book is written for a broad audience that includes mental health professionals, pastors and church leaders, survivors of spiritual abuse, and those who support them. It provides a comprehensive overview of spiritual abuse: its history, definitions, and underlying themes, with helpful assessments and practical suggestions for response, treatment, and prevention. She hopes to equip readers to recognize spiritual abuse, respond appropriately to disclosures, and foster safe faith communities (Introduction).

Identification of key themes or ideas:

History of and definition of the term Spiritual Abuse: Dr. Roudkovski (2023) traces the historical and clinical development of the term, and notes the absence of a universally accepted definition, while providing a working definition that centers on the misuse of spiritual authority to control or harm (Chapter 1).
Spiritual Abuse Assessment Tool: Dr. Roudkovski provides a Spiritual Abuse Assessment Tool designed to help individuals and professionals reflect on and discuss potential spiritual abuse in a person’s lived experience. Using a Likert scale, participants answer 11 questions to identify possible indicators of spiritual abuse. She notes that this tool is not a diagnostic instrument, but rather a conversation starter to facilitate awareness and dialogue about spiritual abuse (Chapter 2).
Patterns and Dynamics of Abuse: She introduces the concept of emotional harm caused by power imbalances, where healthy spiritual development is replaced with control, fear, confusion, and shame to use and manipulate individuals under the guise of “spiritual care” (Chapters 3 & 4).
Performance-Based Acceptance: The book explores environments where a person’s value and belonging are deeply connected to their outward performance. In these settings, people who do not conform, serve, or support the system as expected are often shamed and guilted into compliance. This conditional acceptance often makes them doubt their God-given value and worth (Chapter 4).
Harm Across Multiple Domains: She demonstrates how spiritual abuse causes spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational harm. In very tangible ways, victims may experience trauma responses, difficulty trusting others, be cut off from their communities, and even feel separated from God. Roudkovski integrates trauma theory to explain these holistic effects (Chapter 5).
The Path to Healing: Dr. Roudkovski emphasizes that healing from spiritual abuse is a gradual, non-linear process that requires validation, support, and trauma-informed care. She outlines practical steps for recovery—such as seeking professional counseling, building healthy boundaries, and reconnecting with safe communities—while highlighting the importance of both individual and communal efforts in fostering restoration and hope (Chapters 6–8).

Points of interest and points of personal agreement and disagreement

Points of interest

Broadening the Definition of Abuse: While reading, I was struck by how much the behaviors and patterns described—such as grooming, manipulation, and misuse of authority— mirror those covered in church trainings about sexual abuse and “preferential offenders.” However, churches often reserve the language of “abuse” exclusively for sexual violations, rarely acknowledging or addressing spiritual abuse unless it has a sexual component. This book challenged me to recognize that spiritual abuse can be just as harmful, even when no sexual misconduct is present, and it exposed the church’s ongoing reluctance to discuss or confront these broader patterns of harm (Chapters 3–5).
Spider Web Metaphor and Grooming: Dr. Roudkovski uses a spider web analogy to illustrate how spiritual abuse often begins subtly, with individuals gradually becoming entangled in a system that seems good, safe, and even godly. The initial “good beginning” is marked by grooming, where the abuser appears warm, charismatic, and spiritually vibrant to gain trust and loyalty. This process can mask underlying dynamics of control and manipulation. It reminded me of the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz, who uses an illusion of grandeur and benevolence to maintain control over those seeking his help. When someone dares to “look behind the curtain”—by questioning or pushing back against authority—they are often ridiculed, ostracized, shamed, or treated as anathema (Chapter 3).
Exploration of Power and Control: The book provides a compelling analysis of how spiritual leaders can misuse authority to manipulate, silence, and dominate others. It details the subtle and overt tactics used by abusers to maintain control , such as coercion, shaming, and spiritual intimidation. These patterns are contrasted with healthy, Christ-like leadership, encouraging critical reflection on the nature of authority in faith communities (Chapter 4).
Emphasis on Prevention and Safe Communities: Dr. Roudkovski notes that preventing spiritual abuse requires intentional action from faith communities. She outlines practical steps such as fostering transparency in leadership, implementing clear accountability structures, and providing ongoing education about healthy spiritual practices. By encouraging open dialogue and establishing safe reporting mechanisms, churches and ministries can create environments where abuse is less likely to occur and where members feel protected and valued (Chapter 8).

Points I agreed with

The Need for Clear Definitions: Precise definitions of spiritual abuse are foundational for awareness, prevention, and intervention. Without clear language, many survivors—myself included—may spend years labeling their experiences as simply “toxic” or “unhealthy,” not fully realizing the specific nature and seriousness of the harm they endured. In my own journey, it wasn’t until I met Dr. Roudkovski and was introduced to her book that I recognized and named my experience as spiritual abuse. This underscores how essential it is for faith communities, counselors, and survivors to have access to accurate terminology, so that abuse can be identified, validated, and addressed effectively (Chapter 1).
Recognition of the Profound Impact of Spiritual Abuse: The psychological and emotional harm caused by spiritual abuse often extends far beyond the immediate situation, leaving survivors with symptoms that can persist for years. As I read about the impact of spiritual abuse, I had flashbacks to the symptoms experienced by individuals suffering from CPTSD—such as emotional dysregulation, persistent negative self-concept, and difficulties in relationships. The parallels between the effects of spiritual abuse described in the book and the diagnostic criteria for CPTSD (in the ICD-11) highlight the seriousness of this form of harm and underscore the need for trauma-informed care and long-term support for survivors (Chapters 5 & 7).
Biblical Condemnation of Spiritual Abuse: The book’s use of Scripture—particularly Matthew 23, where Jesus denounces religious leaders for hypocrisy and exploitation, and Jeremiah 5:26-31, which condemns leaders who prey on the vulnerable and distort justice—powerfully illustrates the gravity of spiritual abuse. These passages highlight that standing in the place of God to manipulate or control others is not only a profound betrayal of trust, but an act Scripture describes as wicked. The offense is compounded by the sacred trust given to spiritual leaders: where trust is offered, innocence is stolen, and the resulting harm is both spiritual and relational. This biblical framing underscores that spiritual abuse is not merely a leadership failure, but a deeply evil act that demands accountability and justice within faith communities (Chapters 4 & 5).
Holistic Acknowledgment of Abuse in Faith Communities: The book urges churches to recognize the reality and lasting impact of spiritual abuse, not just sexual or physical abuse. While Dr. Roudkovski recommends that churches address “abuse of all kinds,” I have observed that, in practice, most faith communities only focus on the most visible or egregious offenses—typically those involving sexual misconduct. This narrow lens can leave survivors of spiritual abuse feeling unseen, unsupported, and often silenced. Even when harmful leadership patterns come to light, they are often dismissed as hearsay or chalked up as minor conflicts. In many of these cases, manipulation is reframed as persuasion, coercion as inspiration, authoritarian control as strong leadership, and shaming as vision casting. This form of gaslighting not only obscures the abuse but sanctifies it, making it more difficult for victims to name their experience or seek help. The book’s call for churches to walk with survivors of spiritual abuse is especially important, as it challenges faith communities to broaden their understanding and respond compassionately to all forms of harm, not just those that are easiest to recognize (Chapter 8).

Points of disagreement

Perpetrator Awareness and the Role of the Holy Spirit: Dr. Roudkovski notes that in less extreme cases of spiritual abuse, perpetrators may be unaware that their actions qualify as abuse. While she is clear that this does not absolve them of their responsibility, I find myself wrestling with the nuances of this claim. In my own journey—as someone who has caused emotional harm in my relationships—I know what it’s like to not fully recognize the impact of my actions in the moment. Still, I did experience deep conviction after the fact every time. If a person is a follower of Christ and is indwelt by the Holy Spirit, I have a hard time believing that they are completely unaware of the harm they are perpetrating by their actions. Abuse may be rationalized—but I’m not convinced it goes unfelt (Chapter 8).
Limited Emphasis on Forgiveness in the Recovery Process: Considering that forgiveness was part of the original working definition Dr. Roudkovski referenced early in the book, it is surprising to see how little attention it receives in the dedicated section on recovery. While I understand her hesitancy—given how often forgiveness is weaponized to pressure survivors into premature reconciliation—I still believe it merits deeper exploration. Forgiveness is a multidimensional and deeply personal process, but as an essential component of healing for many, its limited treatment feels like a missed opportunity. Even if not prescriptive, more attention could have been given to how forgiveness can be pursued in a way that affirms both justice and restoration.

Significance of the book to the counseling field:

Considering the lack of material on the topic of spiritual abuse, I would argue that the book is foundational—an essential resource for both clinicians and ministry leaders seeking to understand and respond to this form of harm. It helps clinicians assess for religious harm, integrate spiritual history into treatment planning, and cultivate trauma-informed responses. The Spiritual Abuse Assessment tool, coupled with real-world examples and guiding principles, equips professionals to support clients without minimizing or spiritualizing their pain.

Critique of the overall work:

This book resonated deeply with my own experience. Dr. Roudkovski’s descriptions of spiritual abuse—its dynamics, emotional toll, and the theological distortions that accompany it—were both validating and grounding. It gave me language to help process experiences I’ve endured in various religious settings. Her trauma-informed approach, paired with a pastoral tone, created space for both honesty and hope. It effectively bridges clinical understanding with experiential insight, presenting the lived realities of survivors—including patterns I’ve both witnessed and personally endured. For those wounded by religious systems or leaders, this book offers language, structure, and a pathway toward healing.

Usefulness of the book for potential clients

This would be a valuable resource for potential clients navigating religious trauma, offering a clear framework for understanding the impact of spiritual abuse and supporting the therapeutic process. It would be particularly helpful for clients who are questioning their ability to trust faith communities again, as it provides insight and a path toward healing without spiritual bypassing issues. Additionally, it may serve as a supplemental tool to encourage reflection during therapy or in support groups focused on religious trauma.