Attached to God
by Krispin Mayfield, LPC
About the Author
Krispin Mayfield is a licensed professional counselor and author based in Portland, Oregon. He holds degrees in Bible and Theology and Counseling. He worked in ministry and church-based trauma recovery for more than a decade before moving into private practice, where he specializes in attachment theory, religious trauma, and neurodivergence.
Although Attached to God was written from a Christian perspective, Mayfield has since deconstructed or deconverted from Christianity. This later change in his faith is relevant to my evaluation of the book.
What Is This Book About?
Attached to God is written for Christians who long for closeness with God but struggle to feel it. Mayfield suggests that these struggles are rooted not in a lack of faith, but in attachment wounds formed early in life. Using the science of attachment, he shows that our relational “maps” for connection often determine how we approach God—whether with anxiety, emotional withdrawal, or shame. His goal is to help readers move toward a more secure relationship with God—one marked by trust, emotional honesty, and a sense of being loved and welcomed. Mayfield also explores how relationships with other people and emotionally safe communities can support spiritual growth.
Who Might Benefit from This Book?
Attached to God may be helpful for Christians who struggle with perfectionism, shame, or feeling unloved by God. It may also be useful for people recovering from spiritual abuse or rigid religious environments who want to reconsider how they understand God’s character.
The book may be especially relevant for readers interested in the connection between early relationship experiences, emotional health, and spiritual life. Its Christian framework may be less helpful for nonreligious clients or people seeking more traditional clinical guidance.
Key Ideas to Explore
Attachment Shapes How We Experience Relationships
Attachment refers to the expectations we develop about safety, trust, and whether others will respond when we need them. These expectations can influence how we approach close relationships, including our relationship with God.
The “Still Face” of God
Mayfield draws on the still-face experience, in which a caregiver becomes unresponsive, to describe what it can feel like when God seems distant or does not respond to prayer. This idea helps name the gap that can exist between believing God is present and actually feeling His presence.
Insecure Patterns of Spirituality
Mayfield describes three ways insecure attachment can affect a person’s faith:
- Anxious spirituality: Trying harder or performing religious activities to keep God close.
- Shutdown spirituality: Pushing away or muting emotions to avoid feeling vulnerable in the relationship with God.
- Shame-filled spirituality: Condemning oneself or trying to earn worthiness through religious effort.
These patterns can shape how people see God and how they respond when they want closeness but do not feel secure.
The Gospel as Relational Repair
Rather than presenting salvation only as a transaction, Mayfield describes it as God’s ongoing effort to restore closeness with humanity. This view connects spiritual growth with healing relational distance and developing a greater sense of safety in one’s relationship with God.
Emotional Honesty in Faith
Fear, grief, and doubt do not automatically mean that a person lacks faith or is spiritually immature. Mayfield encourages readers to acknowledge their emotions as part of their relationship with God rather than hide or dismiss them.
Community as a Secure Base
Safe, supportive relationships can help people develop trust and resilience. Mayfield applies this idea to church communities, suggesting that emotionally safe relationships with others can help believers experience God’s love more tangibly.
What I Appreciated About the Book
I appreciated Mayfield’s insight that many believers are taught to do more in order to feel close to God. When increased effort does not bring the expected sense of connection, people may feel more shame and spiritual distance.
His emphasis on God’s delight in people also offers a different way to understand faith. Rather than making belonging depend on performance, this view emphasizes being loved and accepted.
I also appreciated the connection between secure attachment and grace. The idea that God is available and responsive fits with a grace-centered understanding of Christian faith. Mayfield’s portrayal of salvation as God’s initiative to repair the relationship between Himself and humanity also connects psychological and biblical ideas about relationships.
Things to Keep in Mind
Although I found several aspects of the book valuable, I had concerns about its theology and practical guidance.
The Author’s Later Departure from Christianity
Mayfield has since deconstructed or deconverted from his Christian faith. I recognize that each person’s spiritual journey is complex and personal, but I find it difficult to separate the message from the messenger. The book encourages readers to trust in a secure relationship with God, and the author’s later departure from Christianity may leave some readers questioning that invitation or feeling that the message is unresolved.
Emotional Safety and Trust Are Not the Same Thing
The book places strong emphasis on emotional safety. Although emotional safety and trust are related, they are not identical. A person’s trust in God does not always mean feeling emotionally comfortable or secure in every situation.
Toxic Shame and Healthy Conviction
Mayfield suggests that conviction over sin stems from “shame-based theology” and is entirely unhealthy. In doing so, he fails to distinguish toxic shame from healthy conviction (or discipline) from a loving Heavenly Father. Some readers may feel that he downplays repentance and transformation.
Awareness Is Not the Same as Change
Mayfield describes secure attachment as a goal, but I would have appreciated more guidance on how people can move from insecure patterns toward healthier relationships with God and others. The book helps readers recognize and name their patterns, but offers less detail about the process of lasting change.
Why This Book May Be Helpful in Counseling
Attached to God connects attachment theory with spiritual experience. It may help counselors explore how early relationships influence a client’s image of God and how those beliefs affect their emotional and spiritual life.
The book also offers a way to discuss spiritual struggles without automatically treating them as a lack of faith. For Christian clients dealing with shame, perfectionism, or a sense of distance from God, it may provide language for understanding their experiences.
However, counselors and clients should also consider the book’s theological limitations, particularly its treatment of shame, repentance, and emotional safety. Its discussion of the author’s later departure from Christianity may also be important for readers who are weighing the book’s message within their own faith.
Questions for Reflection
- Do you feel safe and close to God, or do you often feel that you must work to earn His attention?
- How have your early relationships shaped the way you approach closeness and trust?
- When you feel distant from God, how do you respond?
- Do you tend to seek reassurance, shut down your emotions, or criticize yourself?
- How do you understand the difference between toxic shame and conviction that leads to change?
- What role do emotional safety, trust, repentance, and grace play in your understanding of faith?
- What kinds of relationships help you feel safe enough to be honest about your emotions?
A Final Thought
Attached to God offers a compassionate way to explore how early relationships may shape a person’s experience of faith. Its emphasis on emotional honesty, grace, and secure attachment can help readers put words to spiritual struggles that may otherwise be difficult to understand. At the same time, its approach to emotional safety and shame may not fully address the theological concerns of all Christian readers.
Book Information
Title: Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience
Author: Krispin Mayfield
Publisher: Zondervan
Publication year: 2022
APA Reference
Mayfield, K. (2022). Attached to God: A practical guide to deeper spiritual experience. Zondervan.
